Posted December 8, 2010 by Rogers Healy

Xbox Kinect - (Mansion Not Included)

Hey, Bill Gates... We know you have the kind of money that'll buy a mansion and maybe even a planet or two, but most of your Xbox gamers don't. So I'm wondering why you felt the need to get Xboxers all hot and bothered over this Big Brother spy toy - I mean Kinect - when you knew it wouldn't be able to function properly in rooms that aren't very spacey.

Yesterday, when I was playing XBox Kinect's "Michael Jackson - The Experience," in my bedroom, I was totally rockin' "Dirty Diana" (IMO, MJ's best). I was nailing all the moves, perfectly - the moonwalk, crotch grab, the spin, etc. And then I was prompted to do Michael's lightening-fast leg kick...

That's when I kicked Sadie (my fiance) in the throat. 

She was just sitting there on the bed, watching me perform, imagining me as a future contestant on Dancing with the Stars, when - BOOM - my chop KINECTED with the underside of her chin.

Of course I didn't mean to bop my beautiful bride, but the play-space I was working with wasn't very substantial! And I blame Bill Gates for what happened! In fact, lots of gamers are experiencing similar accidents. None of us knew that the Kinect requires you play in a REALLY spacious area. Apparently, If you don't, you'll either kick someone you love, or the system won't work at all, because the Kinect's sensors won't be able to accurately detect your movements.

To prove to you that I'm not dramatizing all this, here are a couple vids showing other Kinect tragedies...

 

Has anyone else had any issues with the Kinect because of your gaming area's small dimensions? If so, I want to help you. Simply visit RogersHealy.com and pick out a new home with larger living areas -- It's urgent that you do. Noone should have to risk injury or buyers remorse because their house isn't as big as Bill's is. NOONE!

(NOTE: I didn't accidentally kick Sadie. I was just dramatizing the story a bit. She's still the most beautiful girl in the world, unharmed by size 15 feet. ;-)

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